Shitty Stories To Tell in the Dark

What is this?

Behold! My collection of hilariously campy fics from the depths of the Internet, featuring my MST3K-style commentary. Chuckling at so-bad-it’s-good camp has been one of my pastimes since I was like 13 and I’ve never stopped.
And I’m Pearl, this place’s vice sporkist and fellow autist online. When I’m not jerking awf to people getting eaten, I’m making fun of it! If I haven’t gone into some kind of psychoanalysis about your weird fetishes, it’s your money back!

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Pick your poison

  • The Macro Werewolf

    Two friends become enormous werewolves and explore that fact.

  • Gelfling

    Two sisters find a Dark Crystal baby on their doorstep.

  • Serena

    A park guide shows a girl something very special.

  • Virus

    A homicidal weasel stalks the dangerous furry city at night.

  • Biker

    An ex-boyfriend mails his ex a mysterious transformation ring.

Top five

  • Mabel's Meat8/1

    Mabel's deepest fantasy is to be barbecued on a rotisserie. Dreams do come true.

  • Monica Gets What She Deserves8/1

    Monica Lewinsky is tricked into going to a tropical island, where Hillary Clinton eats her.

  • Once Upon a Time at the Movies25/8

    Arnold Schwarzenegger reaches through the silver screen and eats people.

  • Cow8/3

    Three farmhands get trapped in a barn with a hungry cow during a storm.

  • Lost and Found11/10

    Chris the Wolf falls asleep in public and meets a sexy lady. My favorite badfic of all time.